As we roll into day 30 of National Blog Posting Month and Nanopoblano, I find myself surprised to have completed the entire month. When Rara asked me in late October to participate, I initially said that my life is too crazy-busy right now to do a blog post every day. Nevertheless, on the first of November, I posted a thing. On the second of November, I posted another thing.
One a day, every day, until we reached today. I didn’t even write ahead and schedule posts to go up in the future until Thanksgiving- I wrote a new post each day, or had three-fourths of a post almost ready to go in the drafts folder, needing some polish.
The truth is that I’m kind of grateful to this little project, because it’s been a wonderful distraction. I’ve mentioned only a few times in the blog that my employment is ending on the fifteenth of December, but I haven’t really shared just how terrified that makes me. Writing something new every day has helped me to stay sane and to keep the stress at bay. I didn’t know that my blog could do that- I’ve never really used it that way before now.
I didn’t realize until just recently how much of my identity is tied up in what I do. And I also wrote a while back about how my highly specialized product knowledge will be useless after this job ends.
This is a fear that I have- I worry that my skills won’t transfer to a new job, or that even after more than fifteen years doing tech work, I won’t be any different than any other resume on some hiring manager’s desk. I worry that I won’t stand out enough to get hired. I worry that if I do get hired, I’ll hate the job and be stuck in a soul-crushing perdition from which I cannot escape.
I worry, also, that this might be the last time in my life that I can really choose a career path different from the one I’ve been on. I’m two days from 44, and I still haven’t got the foggiest idea what I want to be when I grow up.
I don’t really know if I want to keep doing this kind of work. I don’t really know where I want to live, although Orlando and Portland are both very appealing to me. (And, frankly, Orlando is the more likely of the two because it’s right there and it has Disney!)
The image attached to this post is my laptop wallpaper right now, because I find myself at a fork in the road. For just this moment, I’m not attached to a lease. I have, thanks to some creative application of time off, roughly six actual days left in the office before I’m unemployed.
And I don’t know what to do next.
Except to keep blogging, I guess. Probably not every day, though, because I have a feeling things are about to get a lot busier around here.
What was your favorite post from my last thirty days of bloggery?
Editor’s Note: I’m attempting to blog every day in November with CheerPeppers. I don’t expect to succeed because life be crazy, but any blogging in excess of my previous post-free month is a win, right?
7 thoughts on “A Fork in the Road”
Your fork in the road brings me comfort because I too don’t know what the hell I want to be when I grow up. And the weird thing is that being in similar boats, I can read about your situation and with confidence know you’ll find your way. Silly, but true.
I know just how you feel about not knowing what you want to be when grown. I am 52 and still have no clue. I do what I do. Most of the time I feel lost. It’s been that way my whole life. Hang in there. I hope you find the perfect job and place whatever and wherever that might be. 🙂
This one, the Leonard Cohen tribute and with apologies to Grandmaster Flash were my favorite posts this month.
I am with you on the career path change. I sense that this is our generation’s “mid-life” crisis. We won’t be buying sports cars or having affairs with 20-somethings. We’ll be re-examining our lives and choosing new careers in our 40s.
As for myself, I intend to continue writing. I just don’t think journalism will be the venue any more. Going back to school may also be required.
I imagine it’s getting harder and harder to find rewarding careers in journalism, now that so many newsrooms are laying off staff. What kind of schooling are you considering?
I occasionally consider teaching as a new career (always kinda thought I would go that way), but I know too many people who have *left* that profession lately.
I liked your siblings-post very much – it reminded me, that not everybody gets along well with their siblings!
As we all know, you have the imposter-syndrome, so I think you’re fine knowledge-wise (it’s not about knowing the systems in and out but to understand the concept behind – knowledge about specifics will come with time)!
Gosh man, I too went through the job search recently. It was tough, but I can guarantee the skills you have learned will transfer to any new job. Much more than you think. ❤
And congratulations!! You made it through the fire! ❤
I love how I went into this sure that I would complete, but I didn’t, and you went in to it unsure and did it all! I think that might say a lot about your future too – you may be unsure but you’ll find a way. Hidden Brain podcast from NPR has a great episode that I listened to this morning on us being at our finest when we are in the most chaos. It’s worth a listen if you have the time.
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