Editor’s note: The text of this post was written a few days ago, and at that time I was still furiously job hunting. I was planning on fleshing this out with a few more humorous references to ways in which Idris Elba makes me feel inadequate before posting it. Earlier today, however, I received the wonderful news that I finally have a job offer. Suck it, Idris! Rather than rewriting the whole thing, I’m just going to post the most recent draft below this line, because it’s just funnier that way.
I am now the same age as Batman, Electra, Black Adam, Heimdall, Judge Dredd, Lex Luthor, Cyborg, Captain Cold, and the Tick.
Or, to put it another way, Ben Afleck, Jennifer Garner, Idris Elba, Dwayne “The Rock Johnson,” Karl Urban, Michael Rosenbaum, Khary Payton, Wentworth Miller, and Peter Serafinowicz were all born in 1972, just like me.
Britney Spears, Nelly Furtado, Lucy Liu, Maria Callas, Stone Phillips, Ray Walston, and Gianni Versace all share my birthday, but from different years.
This is me, at 45. The one on the left, obviously. The one on the right is Idris Elba, also 45.
Idris Elba is three months older than me. Every time I see him on a screen, I feel inadequate.
As I start my 45th year, I am unemployed. My last gig was a contract which ended on the 31st of October, because the project was nearing completion. The following five weeks marks the longest period of unemployment I’ve had since I was in high school, not counting those times that I was a full time student. It’s a strange sensation.
Idris Elba, on the other hand, has more work than he can handle. He’s not just a stage and film and television actor- that handsome son of a gun is also a DJ and music producer. I honestly didn’t know this until I started researching him for this post, but Idris Elba has released music under the names DJ Big Driis, Big Driis the Londoner, and 7 Dub. He DJ’d an NBA All Star Party at the Venetian in Las Vegas in 2007. He’s featured on a Macklemore and Ryan Lewis album! Damn it, Idris, we get it! You’re a triple-threat.
I spent nearly fifteen years at my last company, and I enjoyed the comfort that seniority provided. I knew my company inside and out, and I knew the people around me incredibly well. The last time I stared with a new employer, I was in my twenties. Joining a new company at the bottom rung in an industry flooded by newer college graduates with mad skills makes me feel kind of like this:
Job hunting is exhausting and stressful. I know that I have a lot to offer potential employers, but I’ve never been good at selling myself. At times, waves of doubt and low self esteem hit me.
Still, I keep at it. I apply to a minimum of five positions a week, and I do more if there are good postings that week. I’ve been averaging one or two interviews a week, but with no job offers so far.
I think that smug bastard Idris Elba*, in the same position, would already have several job offers. And a magazine cover. And possibly a hit single.
I wonder how one applies to be the defender of the Bifrost.
*I have no actual knowledge that Idris Elba is a smug bastard. From every indication, he’s actually a genuinely nice guy who is entirely unaware of how inferior he makes the rest of us feel.