With apologies to Grandmaster Flash.

On November 2, 2016 By StevenIn Life At Home13 Comments

There are a lot of things that have been stressing me out lately. I’m basically this puppy on the best of days:

Here’s a short list of the things that are stressing me out:

Looming unemployment: I haven’t spoken much about this yet on the blog, but I found out a few weeks back that after more than fourteen years, my last day with Mr. Company is the 15th of December. This is something that we’ve all known is coming since certain announcements were made during the summer of 2015. Knowing that it’s coming at some vague future date is not the same thing as knowing precisely what your end date is, however.

I know I’ll be able to get a job, but I’m nervous about what type of job that might be. After all, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Still, this is not insurmountable and I know I’ll get through this. I just have to plan for it and take some time to process everything.

The end of my lease: My apartment lease ends on the 9th of December. Armed with the foreknowledge of my end of employment, and certain that I want to move out of South Florida, I chose to let the lease go. Over the next month, I will be putting my things in storage and relocating once more to my very gracious brother’s spare bedroom. His rent is much more reasonable than any South Florida apartment, and the company is marvelous.

Large crowds and long distance travel: You’d never know it from all the trip reports in this blog, but I do have travel anxiety, and I definitely have problems in large crowds. This runs contrary to that thing where I keep going to concerts at big venues in faraway cities, but that’s my personal circle to square.

My father’s health: This is another thing I don’t talk about very much on the blog, but it’s a huge stressor for me. Last winter, my dad fell and broke his hip. One year previously he had broken his other hip, so his recovery went much less smoothly this time around. His mobility has never quite recovered, and he uses a walker now. I go to visit him when I can, but that’s never more than once every week or two. It’s traumatic and astonishing to see my father change this way- my dad is about to celebrate his 78th birthday next week, but it’s only in the last two or three years that he’s really ever seemed old.

The irrational fear of robbery: I have a minor OCD tick in which I check my door lock several times before I leave for the day. I do this every day. Intellectually I know that the door is locked the first time. Furthermore, there’s almost nothing in my apartment that is irreplacable- I usually take my laptop with me to work, and most of the things that are valuable to me would be worthless to another person.

This thrice damned election: Every time I read anything about this election, it makes my heart beat faster. I had to stop listening to Rachel Maddow for a while because it was just too much. I have full blown election anxiety, and I’ll be really glad when it’s over.

Change: After moving to Germany without knowing the language and having never been to Europe at any prior time, you might think that I take change in stride. In some cases, that’s true. I can handle small crisis with unflappable grace- a flat tire, a burned pizza, an unexpected cancellation. Those are easy.

Now, however, I find that for the first time in literally decades, I don’t know what’s next. I’m changing my job and my residence all at once, but I don’t know what either one will be. I know where I’ll be as 2016 ends, but I haven’t got the foggiest idea of where 2017 will take me. I have a vague mental image of finding a dream job and getting the hell out of South Florida with Amelie by my side, but I don’t know entirely what that looks like. I’ve barely had time so far to process the changes that are coming, because I’m still too busy closing the books on all the things that are ending.

What stresses you out? How do you combat your stress?

Editor’s Note: I’m attempting to blog every day in November with CheerPeppers. I don’t expect to succeed because life be crazy, but any blogging in excess of my previous post-free month is a win, right?

Data Rot

On July 17, 2016 By StevenIn Life At Home1 Comment

I’ve long been fascinated with data rot.

Data rot has two basic types. The first is about the medium on which information is stored. For example, hard drives can have mechanical failure. Audio cassettes and other recording media can be affected by moisture, heat and humidity, so that they don’t retain their information as effectively. Translation: If you leave your “Now That’s What I Call Music #38” tape in the glove box for more than a few months, it will start to sound terrible. (And, according to Good Omens it will also become a Best of Queen album, but that’s a separate problem.)

The second type of data rot is the one that fascinates me the most. It’s that the machines to read the older types of data are simply harder to find. When’s the last time you saw a reel-to-reel or an 8-track player outside of a pawn shop or a garage sale? Betamax, anyone? I had a brief flirtation with MiniDisc in the 1990s, even going so far as to convert a bunch of my Best of Queen tapes to MiniDisc, right up until CD burners and mp3 technology caught up to my needs. Heck, even my modern laptop has no floppy or optical drive. (Astonishingly, some of our nuclear arsenal is secured by the use of archaic 8-inch floppy disks. Security by obscurity!)

More recently, I’ve been thinking that there’s a third type of data rot, one which is much more personal. My company has been going through changes for the last year or so, and they decided last summer to sell off the part of the business that I work in. The user base of our servers is being migrated away to another company, and everything will be transferred out within the next seven or eight months.

These are the servers I’ve been working on for the last fourteen years.

Here’s where the data rot comes in- many of our systems are home grown or proprietary. Sure, the systems that I work in every day have a basis in FreeBSD and Linux, but much of the environment on top of those operating systems is not used anywhere else in the world.

In less than a year, the only place those systems will exist is in the minds of the people who have worked on it. I have so much specialized knowledge that I will never use again. That’s data rot.

This past week was a brutal time at our company, with a tremendous round of layoffs taking out people who were there for ten, fourteen, sixteen years. My department lost something like 60% of our staff. My row of cubicles went from ten people to four. When my usefulness is at an end, I’ll almost definitely be fired as well. I wonder if that could be considered data rot too.

The other day, I was driving home and I noticed a big, fat iguana sunning itself on the grass on the side of the road. I’ve been having a lot of memory problems lately. I don’t know if it’s all the headaches I’ve had over the last few years, or whether it’s just a sign of getting older. Amelie thinks that my crappy short term memory is just because I don’t sleep enough. Whatever the reason, I spent the next mile and a half of that drive trying to remember the word for iguana. I was absolutely convinced that it started with A, but all I could think of were aardvark, avocado, abogado. My memory is definitely swiss cheese compared to where it used to be. I can’t even remember where I put all my Best of Queen tapes. I guess that could be data rot as well.

What do you think? Have you ever experienced data rot in your own life?

Fear is the worst reason not to travel.

On March 26, 2016March 26, 2016 By StevenIn International Travel - Europe12 Comments

My employer is sending me to Europe for some meetings at the end of April, and I shared my excitement to Facebook after I received my booking confirmation. “Airfare for Germany: Booked. Bazinga!” Most of the comments were the usual sort. People want to know when and why I’m going. A while after the initial post, one of my old buddies said this:

“Are you sure you wanna travel there right now?”

My initial response was flippant- “Germany and Switzerland are fine. It’s not as if I have a business meeting in Syria.” The more I thought about it though, the more I wonder how many of my friends truly think that the world is that scary right now. This response, one of trepidation, is almost certainly because the Brussels bombings have been in the news for the last few days. Before that, it was Charlie Hebdo. Or the Boston bombing. Or any number of attacks in various places that seem like they should be safe. If you believe the news, everything is terrible and we’re all going to die any minute now.

If you watch the news in the US, it’s all fear, all the time. But that’s not the reality. It’s no more dangerous to go abroad right now in most of Europe than it is to walk alone at night in a major city in the US. Be aware of your surroundings. Travel with common sense about your personal security. And stop worrying about the statistical unlikelihood that you might meet a terrorist.

I’ve never felt uncomfortable or nervous anywhere I’ve been in Europe. In Germany, I worked side by side with Muslims and I never felt like they were doing anything more objectionable due to their faith than abstaining from the wonderful German beer that was all around us. Since 2011, I’ve traveled to more than two dozen countries. The only time I’ve ever felt uncomfortable was in Cairo, and that was mostly because of the terrible terrible drivers. And the pushy people along the Nile who want to sell you stuff.

Fear is the worst reason to stay at home. There are so many wonderful things to see out there, and if you let the news give you nightmares, you’ll miss all of it.

Have you ever felt nervous in an unfamiliar city?

Auf Wiedersehen, 2014.

On December 30, 2014December 30, 2014 By StevenIn Florida, International Travel - Europe8 Comments

2014 was a hell of a year. It was the last third of my time in Germany before my contract ended there.

In 2014, I visited old favorite cities and the friends that resided in each- Munich, Nuremberg, Frankfurt, Cologne, Hamburg, Berlin. I visited new cities in Germany that I had not yet seen- Dresden, Stuttgart, Karlsruhe, Leipzig, Rothenberg ob der Tauber, Heidelberg.

In 2014, I visited cities in other countries that I had never seen before- Belgium, Luxembourg, Poland, Slovakia, Hungary, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Iceland, and Egypt.

In 2014, I saw concerts by Ellie Goulding, Gary Numan, Baskery, Hayseed Dixie, Air Supply, Eels, the Alan Parsons Live Project, and Lewis Black. I saw stage productions of The Little Shop of Horrors (auf Deutsch) and the Book of Mormon.

In 2014, I saw America play Germany in the World Cup. I saw Germany lose its collective mind with joy when they were victorious in the final game. I attended beer festivals and blogger meetups.

In 2014, I went hot air ballooning over Bavaria. I rode a camel through one tiny corner of the Sahara desert. I rode Segways twice, and found them to be much smoother than a camel. I saw the Great Pyramid at Giza.

In 2014, I saw two dear friends wed to their beloved, one in July and one in October. I saw my Aunt Florence laid to rest over a funeral home’s live Internet video stream from my apartment in Germany.

In the last three months of 2014, I came home and began to reset my life here. My books and movies have been boxed up for four years. and I feel like I have been too. I’ve been stuck for a long while.

2015 is going to be a grand adventure, I think. I’m starting the year off by taking my girlfriend with me to California in late January to see one of my all time favorite bands. There’s other stuff on the calendar, but I won’t list it all out here.

I’m just glad to see 2014 on its way out. I’m ready to be unstuck.

What are you looking forward to about 2015?

Last Looks

On September 1, 2014May 30, 2020 By StevenIn Life In Germany22 Comments

The last time I was in Hamburg, back in late March, I spent some time with Sarah and Tobias. After lunch, they walked me back to the U-Bahn, and as we said our goodbyes, I had a flash of realization- after that moment, I might not ever see either of them again in my lifetime.

I know it seems like a negative point of view, but it’s a simple truth: In just thirty days, I will be leaving Germany. Sure, I’ll travel to Europe again in the future, but I probably won’t be in Hamburg again.

After that realization, I started noticing it in other places. Sometimes it’s silly (will this be the last time I buy a fricking heavy six-pack of water from the Getränkemarkt?) but usually it’s a little more bittersweet.

I saw this image in one of those ridiculous Buzzfeed lists, and the sentiment is exactly what I’m talking about, even if the image they chose is terrible:

For the last six months, I’ve been thinking a lot about the transition back and about what I’m leaving behind here. I started making these comparisons in another post a while back, but I’ve got more.

Some of it isn’t great.

I won’t miss riding with patient zero on the bus. Every time the temperature drops even the tiniest amount, there’s hacking and coughing and sniffling like you would not believe.
I won’t miss the smokers everywhere. Standing at the bus stop. Walking through the city. I can smell it from half a block away.
I won’t miss the crazy spin-art vomit stains on the sidewalk at the end of every weekend. Most Germans can hold their beer, but this is a college town and Universities are where people test their limits, and then spill those limits all over the sidewalk before passing out. Walking through the city on a Sunday morning can be a little bit like walking though a slightly squishy minefield.
I won’t miss the fucking cobblestone. I haaaaate cobblestone. No, seriously- cobblestone is charming when you first arrive, but it’s hell to walk on for long periods of time. I can’t begin to count the number of times that my ankle has turned a bit on a cobblestone step. It’s a miracle I haven’t injured myself in all this time.
I won’t miss the specific style of outdoor chairs that you find at beer gardens and restaurants with outdoor seating. See the crossbar halfway up the back? Those things always dig into my back. Seriously, they’re the least comfortable seats in the universe. How to people sit on these for hours? Oh, right: The beer functions as a muscle relaxant.
I won’t miss the random people who seem to do nothing all day except hang out in front of the Bahnhof, or in front of the park directly opposite. Every city I’ve visited has these people- they’re around the train station with a beer in hand. Often, it looks like they’re sleeping there, in front of the station. It’s such a waste- I won’t ever understand people who don’t have the desire to go other places and do other things.
I won’t miss the way Germans line up for things. At the bakery, or waiting to board a bus, or a train, there’s never a single simple line. If you’re trying to get off of a bus, you generally have to push through the people waiting to get onto the bus because they don’t stand to one side to let people through. Germans, by and large, are terrible at lining up for things. It’s usually a large cluster of people with no real sense of order.
I won’t miss my shower plunger. I have a standard wood-handled rubber plunger, of the type commonly associated with toilet issues. This particular plunger has never been used in a toilet, however. The drain of my shower has been finicky for as long as I’ve lived here, and I keep the plunger in my shower so that whenever I find myself ankle deep in not-draining water, I can plunge the shower drain for a minute and things will even out. This happens at least once every few weeks, and has for as long as I’ve been here. I’ve tried the local equivalent to Drano, and I’ve tried a few other things without much success. I won’t miss having a shower that backs up at random intervals.

But there are things I will miss.

I’ll miss having a vibrant concert scene just one hour away, or three, or six. Many of my trips have started with concert plans. I’ve been to the Royal Albert Hall in London twice now. Many of the bands I want to see play in Berlin, or Cologne, or Hamburg. Sometimes they even come to Munich or Nuremberg. The concert scene is a little more dead in Florida, alas.
I’ll miss this view, as seen from Neupfarrplatz in the Regensburg Altstadt:
I’ll miss the Deutsche Bahn. From Regensburg, a single train will take me to Prague in four hours. Salzburg in four hours. Berlin in six hours. Frankfurt in three hours. Anywhere else in continental Europe is within reach, as long as I’ve got the time. The trains here are fabulous.
I’ll miss my crazy-fast Internet. The picture below is a photograph of my screen when I did a speed test. I’ve never used anything this fast back in the US. I know it’s possible, but in South Florida, it’s mostly DSL and Comcast cable broadband, and it’s nothing like the blazing fast speeds I’ve been enjoying here for the last three years.
I’ll miss the dogs everywhere! Germans take dogs with them on the bus, on the train, into restaurants, and pretty much everywhere that will allow it. Little dogs wearing sweaters are just adorable, and they always make me smile.
I’ll miss the bakeries. The bread and pastries and pretzels here are beyond compare. Apfeltaschen and Butterbreze and Kurbis Krusti… nom nom nom.
I’ll miss the scalp massages that are a regular part of any haircut here, during the shampoo portion of the visit. When you get a haircut in the states, they’ll wash your hair but they never linger on the shampooing like they do here. It’s really heavenly.
I’ll dearly miss a few very close friends. My social life in Germany has been fairly limited, but I have made a few friends who will be part of my world in some fashion for the rest of my life. I’ll be back to Germany to see them.

Of course, all the things that I will and won’t miss have their balance: Things that I’m really looking forward to back in the United States. In just thirty days, I’ll have access to some really wonderful things.

I’m looking forward to screens on my windows so I can open them without getting those little bugs that like my laptop screen so much. And no more indoor mosquitoes when it’s warm!
I’m looking forward to electronic dishwashers. After three years of hand-washing everything, it’ll be nice to just let the machine do it.
For that matter, I’m looking forward to having an actual in-sink disposal unit again. I don’t have that here. If I have something that I need to dispose of here, I have only two real options: The trash or the toilet. Yes, I’ve actually flushed away expired apple sauce here.
I’m looking forward to having a full sized kitchen again. My refrigerator here doesn’t even come up to my waist. The freezer is roughly the size of a shoebox. I have roughly ten inches of counter space in the form of a drainboard. There are four cabinets overhead for dishes and food storage alike. It’s more of a kitchenette.
I’m looking forward to Golden Oreos. And other cookies. While Germany excels in cakes and pastries and other baked goods, they really can’t seem to figure out cookies. With a few very limited exceptions (primarily Oreos and Subway cookies,) I’ve been profoundly disappointed with the cookies here. I’m looking forward to that American cookie aisle in the grocery store again.
And while I’m on the subject of the grocery story, I’m looking forward to shopping on Sundays! Or after 8pm, for that matter. I’m so tired of having to do all of my grocery shopping in the two hours after work or on Saturday afternoons. I miss the flexibility of being able to do whim-based grocery shopping at 2am on any random Thursday!
I’m looking forward to having a car! Right now, when I do my grocery shopping, I have to limit myself to what I can carry in a single trip. I miss being able to get a ton of groceries and load them into my car. I miss being able to travel to places that are outside of public transportation range without walking or biking to get there.
I’m looking forward to American-style customer service. Sometimes it can almost be a mythic challenge to get the attention of a waitress here.
I’m looking forward to reliable cellular signal again. The only place I ever had weak signal in South Florida was the men’s room at work. (And let’s face it, that’s the one place I really don’t want to take a call anyway.) Here, on the other hand, I see my phone drop down to Edge speeds all the time- on the way to or from work, on the train, or just walking down the street on a sunny afternoon.
I’m looking forward to video without significant Geo-blocking. I can’t count the number of times a friend has posted a link to something on Ye Olde YouTubes, and I’ve clicked the link to see this little angry-maker:

Annoying, isn’t it? GEMA is a music licensing entity whose sole function seems to be making Americans so angry that they want to kick puppies. To get around it here, you need to use data redirection techniques- either a browser plugin or a VPN. The same thing applies to Pandora, to Netflix, to Hulu. Even the Daily Show and the Colbert Report geo-block now, although they didn’t when I first arrived to Germany. Geo-blocking is a pain in the butt, and I’m glad that I’ll have less of it to deal with.
I’m looking forward to being able to go about my day to day life without needing translation help. I’m looking forward to being able to sign an apartment lease without someone parsing the bullet points for me. I’m looking forward to being able to understand all my junk mail without bringing it to a friend to review.
I’m looking forward to seeing my family! I have a three year old niece and I’m going to be back in time for her fourth birthday. I’ve only been there for a handful of the days of her life so far, and I’m looking foward to changing that.
I’m looking forward to seeing my friends again, and I’m looking forward to having brunches at the Moonlite Diner, lunches with my coworkers… I can’t wait to get back to my life.

This post has changed pretty drastically from where it started. I originally intended to talk about the emotional impact of leaving a place, and I wound up just making another bulleted list. I guess for the poignant emotional stuff, I’ll have to turn the floor over to the inimitable Peter Cincotti. This is the song that has been playing in my head for the last few weeks, and it’s almost exactly how I feel: