Tag: introspection

This Post Is Not Bipolar.

On By StevenIn Life In Germany8 Comments

Over the next few months, the sun’s magnetic field is going to reverse. This happens roughly every eleven years. It’s a significant event, cosmically speaking, but it doesn’t affect us at all like a bad SyFy disaster movie.

Rara says that every time this happens, every eleven years, it heralds huge changes in her life. I’m a big fan of the concept of circles, cycles, renewals, and the like, so this got me thinking about where I was eleven years ago, and where I’ll be next year.

Eleven years ago…  it was September of 2002. I was 29 years old, and I had no idea what the next eleven years would bring.

I was two months into employment with my current company. We had been given six weeks of training, so I was about two weeks into taking customer phone calls. I’m a UNIX systems administrator now, but I started out as a tier 1 technical support rep, and crawled my way up. In the eleven years since then, I’ve had six title changes, including one stint in management. I prefer solving problems to managing people, though.

I had just become single after breaking things off with someone who wasn’t a good fit for me romantically- this was an excellent judgement call though.  Eleven years later, she’s still one of my closest friends, and we’ve seen each other through a lot.

In 2002, my father had been remarried for a little over a year- he remarried at age 62, so I know there’s still hope for me. 2002 was just before my elder brother started dating the woman who is now his wife. It was before my other brother started dating his boyfriend, and they’ve been together now for roughly seven or eight years. In 2002, my oldest niece was twelve years old- she’s a high school teacher now.

2002 was before I bought my condo in South Florida, the one that I sold in 2011 just before I moved to Germany. 2002 was before I acquired my passport, and now I’ve been to fourteen countries, including living in Germany for the last two years.

Today, I’m forty years old and I’m roughly fourteen months away from a move back to the United States.  Anything could happen in the next year, though- and that’s the point.    Big changes are coming in the solar system, and I’m really curious to see where the next eleven years will take me.

Where were you eleven years ago? What do you think the next eleven years hold for you?

How Not To Travel

On By StevenIn Life In Germany, Travel Posts11 Comments

Usually, when I decide to travel to a new place, I do fairly exhaustive research.  I look at information about what other people like to see in the city.  I check for walking tours or hop-on/hop-off tours.  I confirm information about the public transportation.

Most importantly, I do something that I’ve been doing before trips to new places for many years.  I make a list with three categories:

  1. Stuff I absolutely must see while I’m in this new city.  This category is the stuff that I’m most excited about. This category often includes the reason I went to the new city in the first place.
  2. Stuff that I really want to see.  This stuff isn’t quite as important as the MUST SEE category, but it usually includes a lot of interesting things that I’m glad I saw after the trip is done.
  3. Only if there’s time.  This is stuff that seems interesting to me, but if I don’t get to it, I won’t be too sad about it.

I’ve been using this three tier method for a lot of years, and when I’m traveling with a friend, I have them do the same list.  More often than not, we manage to get ALL of the must-see stuff, most of the really-want-to-see stuff, and occasionally, we even get to the only-if-there’s-time level.  Having things tiered this way makes it very easy to figure out a day by day plan without it becoming too overwhelming or stressful.   This planning method has always worked very well for me while traveling, and I should know better than to stray too far from it.

Yesterday, I tried something different.

I’ve been feeling kind of stuck lately- I don’t travel as much in January and February because it’s fricking cold and I don’t usually want to go take pictures of things when the sky is full-gray and I’m bundled up like the Michelin man.  Climbing hills to castles is not fun on snow and ice.

In order to combat the feeling of stuck-ness, I decided recently that I would try to visit some of the really close towns, places that I can get to in about an hour on the train.  A Bavaria Ticket costs me 22 Euros, and that covers the train there and back as well as any bus lines or public transportation in the destination city, anywhere in Bavaria.  The idea here is that if I day-trip to a new place, I don’t need to muck about with getting a hotel, packing a bag, and so forth.  I just go, wander around a new city for the day, then come back.

Why did this backfire?

  • It failed because I chose Ingolstadt as my first foray out this way.  Ingolstadt is perhaps the most boring city in Bavaria.  The most interesting things about Ingolstadt are that the Illuminati was founded there and the monster was created there in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.  Neither of these things is easy to see in a touristy way on a day trip.  Oh, and Audi has a factory and tour there, but I didn’t think to get information about that before I left Regensburg.
  • It failed because I went on a Sunday.  Everything is closed on Sundays.  Bus routes are cut down to once in hour in many routes on Sundays, which made getting around town kind of a pain in the ass.
  • Above all else, this little day trip failed because I didn’t prepare for it.  It failed because I didn’t do my list this time.  Ingolstadt doesn’t have many old buildings because it was significantly bombed out in World War II.  The few remaining old buildings look pretty nifty, but since I didn’t do my research before the trip, I didn’t know where to look.

This is the most interesting thing I managed to see in Ingolstadt yesterday:

ingolstadt

That’s directly opposite the Bahnhof.  I spent the rest of the day using the tediously slow Sunday bus routes to try to find cool things to see.  I didn’t even manage to figure out where Ingolstadt’s “Altstadt” or Zentrum (city center) was.

I did have a successful conversation with a passerby who spoke no English, so I feel like that was a win, but I learned a great deal on this trip about what doesn’t work for me when I travel.

What lessons have you learned in your life about what NOT to do when traveling?

Q&A Time!

On By StevenIn Life In Germany10 Comments

A short while back, I posted an ‘Ask Me Anything’ post.  Some folks used that as a chance to ask for advice in advance of their upcoming travels to the area, and I tried to answer what I could of those in regular e-mail.  Some of the remaining questions are really interesting, so I’ve decided to do a series of “You asked, I answer” posts.  Let’s get started!

Here’s a question from Rarasaur:  What’s your favorite holiday, including minor or obscure ones?

My favorite holiday is actually New Year’s Eve.  While I’m not a religious person, I believe firmly in the concepts of circles closing, in things ending, and in getting a fresh start.  New beginnings are important.

My second favorite holiday is birthdays.  All birthdays.  Mine, yours, the birth of the Sony Walkman, and so forth.  Like I said a minute ago, beginnings are important.

As for the rest of the holidays-  I like Halloween and Fasching because I like to see people dressed up in nifty costumes.  I like Thanksgiving because I like to have tasty food with my family.  I like the Day of the Dead because it’s important to remember those who have passed beyond the rim.  I like May Day because giant poles with streamers and decorations!  I like Valentine’s Day because I’m a romantic at heart.  I like La Tomatina because pelting people with tomatoes is fun and more than a little strange.  I like Diwali, despite only learning about it this past year, because it’s a festival of lights, involves family, and is utterly fascinating to me. I also like invented holidays, such as Talk Like A Pirate Day, Towel Day, and yes, even Steak and a BJ Day.

I tend to like the holidays that are about people and introspection more, and the holidays that are about giving and receiving gifts less.

Here’s a related question from Jenny: What has been your favorite German event/celebration so far?

I quite liked Palmator, the Starkbierfest that turns up on Palm Sunday each year, when Prösslbräu Brewery in Adlersberg serves up their signature bock beer for the first time.

I also enjoyed the Jazz festival that turned up here one weekend, and Mai Dult, which had all the things you would expect from a festival here-  beer tents, bands, lots of interesting food, and carnival-style rides.

I haven’t made it to Oktoberfest yet, but I’m hoping to make it this year.

Do you have anything you’d like to ask?  The Ask Me Anything post is still open!

I am only an egg.

On By StevenIn Life At Home, Life In Germany, The U.S.21 Comments

This post is tangentially related to the December 27th WordPress Daily Prompt.

“Your personal sculptor is carving a person, thing or event from the last year of your life. What’s the statue of and what makes it so significant?”

I was already thinking about the words that follow, even before I saw the prompt.  While I didn’t write this post specifically to answer the personal sculptor question, I am going to talk a great deal about something that has shaped my world the most for the past year.

Back in 1993, there was an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation called “Second Chances.”  The basic plot is as follows-  The Enterprise goes to retrieve some scientific data from a planet which has an impenetrable distortion field around it.  Once every eight years, the field is weak enough to beam through it.  Eight years previously, a younger Lieutenant Riker was the last man to beam out when his team was forced to abandon the post.  When the modern-day Enterprise arrives, Commander Riker leads the away team, and meets- himself.

ST-TNG_Second_ChancesAlthough Riker made it up to the Potemkin and continued his career, a transporter phenomenon caused an identical Riker to rematerialize on the planet.  This Riker believed that he’d been left behind, and he spent the next eight years living alone.

The reason I’m talking about Star Trek on a blog about life in Germany is because it’s kind of the same thing.  Obviously I don’t mean that I was duplicated in a transporter accident, but there is some similarity between that ludicrous scenario and how I feel.  What the other Riker went through was, at certain points, textbook culture shock and acculturation.

While I was in the United States a few weeks ago, I was struck by the notion that while I’ve been living my life in Germany, life in the US has been going on without me.  This is the truest and deepest cost of being an expatriate. Friends and family kept going on-  my youngest niece started walking and talking.  Another friend is nearly done with law school.  People have gotten engaged.  Couples have split up.  Some of my friends have had massive shifts in their health, some for the better and some for the worse.  There are new pets, new jobs, and new hardships.  And while I was in Germany and away from all of this, there was a tiny part of me that went on living in the US, along with my friends and family.  There are two Stevens now.  They are entirely alien to each other.

I spent most of my first year in Germany feeling like I was on an extended vacation, but one where I just happened to be going to the office a lot.  It felt like my life in the US had just been paused- waiting for me to return to it.  My apartment has never quite felt like my apartment, and I’ve always been just a little bit of a stranger in a strange land.

It’s been more than a year now, and in the intervening time, I’ve felt less like that US life is mine.  The drift has begun-  I don’t speak to people in the States as much as I did in the first year. There are some people who I once considered my closest friends and confidants who I speak to now only via electronic means, and only regarding superficial topics.  If not for the horrible abomination that is Facebook, I would have lost touch with almost everyone except my closest ring of family members and a few dearly cherished friends.

There is even a physical component to this drift-  while I was in the US, I moved my few belongings to a much smaller storage unit.  In order to do that, I had to let go of a lot of possessions.  Most of my kitchen goods from the US are now gone.  Everything I own in this world is either in a 5×5 storage unit in Florida or a 45 square meter apartment here in Regensburg.  Considering I used to have an entire condominium full of crap, this is kind of a sobering realization.

I don’t feel like this Bavarian life is mine either.  I’ve made friends here, but making friends as an expatriate can be a little tricky-  most of us are transient.  You never know if someone you’ve met will still be there to talk to or hang out with in six months or a year.  I’m even hesitant with the locals, the people who aren’t going anywhere, because I don’t know if I’ll be here in a year or two.  My contract is written through the fall of 2014, but there’s nothing in it which says that Mr. Company can’t recall me to the United States sooner.  (They probably won’t, but it’s something that I think about.) There’s also the chance that they’ll want to renew my presence here at the end of the contract on a yearly basis.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, to be honest.  I get asked a lot if I want to stay here at the end of my contract, and my answer is always a little timid:  “Ask me again in another year and a half.  A lot can happen in a year and a half.”

For night now, I’m stuck in the middle.  Beholden to two countries, but not truly feeling at home in either one.  I am the two identical Rikers, both fighting to claim the right to be the real one.

On Packing

On By StevenIn Life In Germany6 Comments

I tend to overpack for trips.  I always pack more socks and underwear and t-shirts than I could ever possibly wear for the number of days I’ll be gone.  I always have more stuff than I will ever need.  “It’s a three day trip in the dead of winter?  I’d better pack my swim trunks. And I really should bring a pick-axe, a compass, and night goggles.  You never know!”

When I was asked last fall if I wanted to move to Germany for a few years, my belongings were already in storage. I had been selling a condo, and part of that process involved getting me and my stuff out of it. I placed almost everything I own into two storage units, one large and one small, and I moved into my brother’s spare bedroom for the (theoretical) short term. My goal was to find an apartment once the sale was complete, but my focus changed to Germany before I ever had a chance to lease a new apartment.

When I knew for certain that I would be going to Germany, I started to offload a lot of my possessions- particularly the big furniture. A co-worker in the Florida office had moved to Florida with his wife a short while earlier, and they didn’t have much in the way of furniture, so they took the bed-frame, night stands, dresser, couch, dining room table off my hands.  They had instant furnishings, and I had less to store. Another co-worker took a deliriously comfortable mattress off my hands, and some smaller things went to other folks.   Before long,  I only had an ancient desk chair and my beloved coffee table remaining.  I was able to downsize from two storage units to just one, and soon after that, I moved to an even  smaller one. During that time, I also made choices about what to ship and what to store.

I brought a few things with me, but for the most part, my lifestyle here is pretty austere.  I travel a great deal, so most of my extra cash goes into that.  What can I say?  I’m an inveterate overpacker in life as well as on trips.  Ryan Bingham is kind of my hero.

I wish I had the experience then that I have now, however, because my ship-or-store choices would have been very different.

  • If I had a do-over, I would have shipped my books. With the exception of three or four technical tomes, my hilariously outdated guide to London, and my Kindle, all of my books are still in storage in Florida.  My signed Neil Gaiman and Douglas Adams are there, along with dozens of paperback novels, cookbooks, reference books, and more.
  • If I had a do-over, I would have shipped my DVDs, because even though I rarely watched them at home, there are times that I miss the movies in my collection. I have Netflix, but the selection there is utter rubbish these days.  Netflix has primarily been good for watching old How I Met Your Mother episodes, and not much else.
  • If I had a do-over, I probably would have shipped my coffee table. I worry that being in storage for three years will destroy it, and if it were here, I would have less shin pain than I do now from smacking my legs into the evil bastard of a table currently filling that role.
  • If I had a do-over, I would definitely have shipped my Rollerblades. I sometimes think it would be fun to inline skate around this town.  Regensburg is really a bike city, but I do see inline skaters from time to time.
  • If I had a do-over, I… well, I probably would still have put most of my kitchen goods in storage, but I would have shipped my knives. Good kitchen knives are a vital cooking tool.  I had to buy a few pieces when I got here even though I have a great set of Henckels knives in a box back at home.  I really didn’t think that one through.

Here’s the real problem: Despite the fact that a still-fairly-large storage unit is full to brimming back in Florida, the items listed above are nearly all that I can remember from it.  It’s only been eleven months and the rest of the contents have fallen entirely out of my brain.  Nothing else in there is memorable.

For clutter, out of sight really is out of mind.  The less I remember of my belongings back in the US, the more unmoored I feel.    It’s an alarming sensation, to feel so adrift, so homeless.

Oh sure, I know there’s a box of photos and a some old paper files, but that’s just two boxes. What else is there? Old bedding and cushions that I should just give to charity? Glassware and plates that would be cheaper to replace in three years than to store?  I don’t really know.  I’m pretty sure that there are at least two pieces of cookware in there that have actually never been used. (Long story.)

I think I need to revisit the storage unit when I go back next month, even though I can’t really bring the do-over choices back with me.  It would be much too expensive to consider shipping anything else over right now.   I might be able to get rid of a bunch more crap and move to a still-smaller storage unit, though.  Maybe some of my Florida friends would be interested in dishes, glassware, pots and pans, and whatever other mystery items turn up in the storage unit.

Maybe I can whittle it down enough to really be Ryan Bingham.